I Sing Over You

For the Lord your God is living among you.  He is a mighty Savior.  He will take delight in you with gladness.  With His love He will calm all your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Zephaniah 3:17 NLT

I love you so much, and you are My great delight.  I am always with you, right beside you, watching over you and protecting your every move.  I calm all your fears with My perfect, unconditional, unimaginable love. When you know how much I love you, you know you can trust Me with every single detail of your life.  I always have the best of intentions for you.  I rejoice every time I see your face.  I sing a new song over your life every single morning.  I am your kind and compassionate Father who will never, ever, for one moment abandon you or reject you.  I am yours, and you are Mine forever. Live each day out of My love for you. I do not love you according to your behavior, but I love you regardless of your behavior because I want to love you.  I created you to love.  I will always love you.  I am pleased with you and proud of you.  Hold your head high because you are My child, and you are highly honored and dearly loved!

It Isn’t Always Black or White

I have been asking God lately why I went through my severe battle with anxiety. For a long time, I believed God had a reason for my pain, that He was going to use it for a purpose. I thought He told me that He had something amazing on the other side of it. I felt like I could see His handprint woven through my journey when I looked back. I thought that I had heard God say the enemy had a plan for me before I was born ( The doctors thought I was dead in my mother’s womb), but that He had a plan for me also, and His plan will be done.

Over the past few days, I have been questioning all of this as I look at the present and I look to the future and I see no evidence that anything good is going to come from the pain or that God had any purpose in the pain. Was there really purpose, or was it all a result of my bad decisions in my thinking. Is there really something ahead for me or did I make it all up in my mind just to cope with what I went through? Was God’s handprint there?

As I lay in my bed this morning thinking about all of this, I felt the Holy Spirit nudge my heart and heard Him ask me the question, why does it have to be one or the other? Can’t you hold both things in your hand? You can hold the fact that you weren’t taught to watch your thoughts and didn’t understand that allowing fearful and anxious thoughts could cause such havoc in your life. So, yes out of ignorance you made choices that caused pain, but at the same time you can hold in your hand that God had a purpose in the pain and that the enemy did not want God’s purpose to come to past so he also played with your mind. You can believe that even though you should have made different choices, God will redeem those choices and bring good. You can believe that God was not punishing you. The enemy would love for you to believe that was true. God loves you in your pain even when you contribute to you pain and His will is for your good.

You can also believe that even though in the present moment you see no evidence of God having an amazing purpose for you on the other side of the pain, and even though you cannot see evidence of it in the future, that is where faith steps in. Faith is the evidence of things not seen.

In our walk with God, things are not always black and white, we have to remember that we can hold that God’s ways are far beyond ours and His thoughts are not our thoughts. The way we see things is not always the way they are. Sometimes, we have to hold two things in our hands at once and just trust that God is faithful to keep His promises, and that He loves us and redeems our pain, even when we caused it.

Not My Will

Another rejection email today. Rejection hurts even for the most seasoned writer. However, as a Christian I know that if I trust the Lord with all my heart and lean not unto my own understanding, that when a door closes, God has a reason for closing that door. Surrendering my will to His will is not easy. Jesus struggled in the garden with surrendering His will, but ultimately, He knew like we have to know, that God’s will is good, pleasing and perfect for us. It takes humility to say, not my will, but yours Lord!

A lot of times we say we are confused and don’t know what to do, but sometimes what looks like confusion is actually just the fact that we already know what God wants us to do, but we don’t like the answer He gave us, so we are trying to come up with another option instead of surrendering. We just struggle sometimes to believe that His way is better for us than our way. I can come up with my ideas of how I think things should go, and then put a plan to it and pray about it, knowing I already have my mind made up. This has led me to a lot of heartache.

Today, though I had my way I thought things should go, and it hurt when I got the no, I cried a little, and spoke to some people wiser than me, and then I picked myself up and knew that my Father said no for a reason this time. I know my Father loves me and I can trust His no is what is best and keep moving forward with what I know He has called me to do, even if it looks different than I wanted it to!

Life isn’t Fair

Sometimes life isn’t fair and things happen to us that we don’t understand, but in the midst of it all we fix our eyes on Jesus. This week I have been sending out queries for Literary Agents and it is rough. I don’t have the credentials I need or I don’t have a platform of 25,000 followers. I had one agency tell me that they wouldn’t work with me if I couldn’t get them at least $100,000 book deal. This was a Christian agency. I know one thing, God has a plan for my books and for our lives. No matter how many times I am rejected all it will take is the right one to say yes at the right time and only God knows who and when that is.

I have so many friends and family right now who are sick and those who have lost family members and it seems unfair. Sometimes I question if God is really involved in our day to day lives, but then I look back on just the last year of my life, and I see His hand so very clearly and know that Abba is right here with us. We see just a moment in time, just a snapshot, but our Father sees the beginning from the end. He sees all that was before and all that will be in eternity from this moment in time. His thoughts are higher than mine and His ways so much more than I can imagine. He knows things and sees things that I just cannot.

When I begin to question I have to refocus my eyes on the cross and lay down my need for control and the need to see the complete plan right now. I have to behold the finished work of Jesus and know that what I see in the cross is a Father who loves me so much that He did not even spare His own Son, but gave Him up for me. If He didn’t even spare Jesus, I can trust Him with every moment, good and bad. I can trust Him with my very life, knowing He will always work good and do what is best for Me. He always has my best at heart. God is ALWAYS good. God ALWAYS does good. I don’t get to understand it all right now, but someday I will know and see.

So today I will keep sending out queries and leaving it in God’s hands, knowing these books are His anyway, not mine!

Not What You Can Do

We do not read our Bible and pray to get God to do anything for us. The reason we should be in God’s Word and fill our minds with it is to renew our minds to what Jesus has already done, not what we can do. When you renew your mind to God’s Truth of the finished work of Jesus Christ, you begin to believe it. You begin to believe God loves you and you begin to believe who He says you are. When you begin to believe it the Life of Christ begins to come alive in you and you begin to live a full life. You begin to live the life that your Father intended for you to live. Change begins to come effortlessly because you are no longer living out of needing to appease God or earn anything from Him, you are living out of your true identity in Christ. You are living approved and accepted. When you live this way, you live a life of miracles, because you are always expecting you Father to show up in your life. You believe that He wants good for you, and even if your prayers aren’t answered the way you think they should be, you are still at rest knowing He will always do what is best for you because He gave everything for you. You won’t live a perfect life, and you will have times of doubt, but even in the doubt, you know you are extravagantly loved and that ultimately, IT IS FINISHED!

Living Hope

Sometimes I just sit and write what comes to my heart. This is from that time with God today. I wanted to share this one…

You are my living hope.

When everything around me is shaken,

You are my firm foundation.

You will never be shaken. You are the only One who is unshakable, unbreakable and unchanging.

You are the thread I hold onto when life is shattered around me and all the broken pieces are scattered. You hold my heart. You bring me back together. You show me who I am. You say I am yours. When it feels like I can’t breathe, you give me breath once again. When it feels like my heart is glass and all the pieces are jagged and scattered, you put them back together. You hold my world in your hands and never let me go. My only hope. My only firm foundation. The Lover of my soul. You are the breath in the wind that whispers my name. You called me from birth, you laid out my story. You weave a beautiful tapestry of my life. From beginning to end your handprints are there. Every moment holding me up and protecting me. How can I ever doubt you? But even in the doubts you love me still. You pour your love on me like a healing balm. It washes every broken piece of me and makes me whole. You are my Rock. My strong tower. The place I ran to when I am afraid. You are the shadow that hovers over me. My heart and soul cry out to you. Jesus, lover of my soul, it is you. Your blood runs red for me. It washes away the shame and makes me white as snow. You stretched out your arms for me. You laid down your life for me. No greater love have I than this. Jesus, You are my living hope.

Just Pondering

Just sitting today and thinking about so many things I have been taught in the charismatic circle that I am not sure I believe were truth anymore. If it is God's will for everyone to be healed, why isn't everyone healed? How do you explain children who die? If it has to do with faith, why have I seen so many people who believe with all their heart God will heal them not be healed? Why does He allow people to be in so much pain they can hardly breathe and not bring relief? Why do we spend all of our lives praying away death when we all know that one day we will die. No matter how many times you may get healed, you will die. Don't get me wrong, I know God does heal and I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt He can heal, but it is always His will to heal? I am beginning to think not. Sometimes it just isn't His plan for reason I don't think we can comprehend. I have read story after story about evangelist and faith healers who have all died at an early age because they pushed themselves so hard. I think perhaps we put too much emphasis on this earth and forget this Is not our home. How can you tell someone whose family member died of cancer, especially a baby that they just didn't have enough faith? I think that Is bull. What I do know is that God loves us and His heart is always for our good and sometimes maybe that means healing and sometimes maybe that means heaven. Anyway, just pondering today.

Fully Loved & Known

Your sure foundation Is that you are fully known and fully loved. You stand In a place of wholeness and completion In Christ. This Is the confidence you live your life out of. Nothing else. Not your career, not your ministry, not your economic status, not your circumstances that surround you, but from the sure foundation of the love of God for you and your wholeness In Him. Every other foundation will crumble, but this Is a sure and solid foundation. This Is where your worth comes from. Before Jesus ever did any kind of ministry, the Father spoke over Him, “This is my beloved Son, in Whom I am well pleased.” Matthew 3:17 ESV. Before you ever took a breath, before you ever made a step, before you ever opened your Bible, or did anything for God, He spoke those words over you also.

"So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority." Colossians 2:10 NLT

Thankful

I sit today thinking back on the past few years and the faithfulness of God in my life. Through all the days I didn’t think I could make it, and all the moments I didn’t feel I could breathe, He was faithful. When I had no faith and when my faith was high, He was faithful. When the doubts were louder than anything He whispered to me, He was faithful. As I look around me today I cannot help but be full of gratitude for all He has done. For every breath I take, for every heart beat. I am grateful for every bite of food I take, for every shower I take. I am thankful to do my laundry and clean my house. I am thankful to kiss my husband. I am thankful to go grocery shopping or visit with people. The small things, that we take for granted everyday, once they are taken away we begin to appreciate them so much more. Gratitude makes our hearts happy, it gives us joy. Gratitude helps us to see how far we have come, instead of how far we have to go. As I stop today and take a deep breath, and there is no panic, there is no anxiety, I look up and say thank you. Thank you Father for your love. Thank you for your grace and patience with me. Thank you that you never for one moment left me alone or gave up on me. Thank you for giving me my voice back. Thank you for your mercy when I didn’t deserve it. Thank you for not counting my sins against me. Thank you for not sparing your son, but giving Him up for me. Thank you for the big things and the simple things. Thank you that you will never abandon me, but always walk beside me. Thank you for a husband who loves me and hurts with me and celebrates with me. Thank you for the love of my boys. Thank you for bringing them women of God who will love them and care for them. In all I do in the future and all you bring to my life Lord, may I always stop and say thank you. May my heart always be full of gratitude. May I always take joy in the little things in life.